Marriage is Ordained

I have done a lot of thinking this week about the purpose of marriage. My teenage daughter was very frustrated last night asking us why we need to get married and can’t she do as much good on her own. I explained to her what I had learned this week. We learn that marriage is ordained of God. To ordain something is to authorize by order by virtue of superior authority. This helps us to see that the ordaining of marriage is more of a commandment than good advice and that the superior authority in this case is God. She was still not content with this answer and figured she could be just as good of a person with or without marriage. I explained to her that there are many things that we simply cannot learn without the marriage covenant. Goddard explains the two purposes of marriage. 1. A refuge from the storms of life. 2. A storm where we test our balance and determination. What an interesting observation. Marriage is the storm and the refuge and I think that definition about sums it up! I really enjoy talking with my family about these great truths that I have been studying. I just pray that they will open their hearts and feel the truthfulness and have a desire to enter the temple to make covenants and receive their endowment that is waiting for them.

Covenant vs Contract Marriage

Elder Bruce C. Hafen gave a great talk about covenant marriage at the October 1996 general conference. This was one year after my husband and I were sealed in the Seattle Temple and the year after The First Presidency came out with The Family: A Proclamation to the World. These two inspired documents have helped me immensely and were perfectly timed to help me in my marriage. In Elder Haven’s talk he shared some very important messages about the difference between contract and covenant marriages. He said that in a contract marriage each partner gives 50% but in a covenant marriage each couple needs to give 100%. When my husband and I made our covenants with Heavenly Father in 1995 we were very clueless as to how difficult marriage actually is and what it would take to keep our temple covenants. Like most brides, I was looking forward to the wonderful wedding day, the honeymoon, and moving in together in Provo, Utah. I don’t think we could have been prepared for what would come. Elder Haven shares that in marriage there are three kinds of wolves that come to test the relationship. The first is natural adversity, like health issues. The second is our own imperfections. Maybe we are too critical or negative. The third kind of wolf is excessive individualism, or selfishness. These three have definitely been a part of my marriage and have been difficult to handle. A mother once said as she was lamenting about her unruly son, “The Lord gave us that child to make Christians out of us”. This is the same way I feel about covenant marriage. We are literally children of God and to learn to love His children is how we become more like Him. I have been married for almost 23 years and it never really gets easier until we turn to the Lord and have His help through our trials.

Marriage for all

I really appreciated reading Obergefell v Hodges (2015). Both sides of the discussion had very valid points and I know that this was a turning point in American history. They were both in agreement that marriage is the basic foundation of our nation and that it is important to our civilization. One of my favorite quotes from this document is, “No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become greater than they once were.” When it comes to the speech given by Alexander Dushanbe on July 7th, 2015 he shared some great advice on how we as believers in traditional marriage can help keep peace between those of differing views. He said that we need to be able to explain our beliefs with reason, kindness, and love. He shared that of course there are people at both extremes that are unwilling to listen, but we can each do our part to be civil and understanding yet firm in where we stand. By far my favorite reading for the week came from Russell M. Nelsons speech at BYU in 2014. He warned the audience that there will be many struggles to come and that we will be faced with times that we will have to defend our faith and to do that in a loving way. He shared several scriptures that show that the faithful will be persecuted but Christ will strengthen the persecuted. These scriptures (2 Timothy 3:12, 3 Nephi 12:10, Romans 1:16) give me great hope and make be feel like I can stand up for the truth and I will have God on my side. Howard W. Hunter said, “If our lives and our faith are centered on Jesus Christ, and his restored gospel, nothing can ever go permanently wrong...if our lives are not centered on the Savior and his teachings, no other success can ever be permanently right.” This quote is my new family creed! I love it.

Life is what you make it.

I was raised in a large family with two parents who loved each other deeply. There was and is a lot of love within our family and this helped me significantly feel secure as I grew up. My family struggled through many different stresses but the main focus of our family was always the gospel of Jesus Christ. This strong faith left me with a legacy of putting my love of God and family first. This example of sacrifice and commitment helped me tremendously as I began my own family 22 years ago. My husband and I both came from intact families and there is virtually no divorce in our direct family line. This legacy of covenant marriage is what continues to focus our efforts on building a strong family and staying devoted to one another. Elder Oaks said, “A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.” This is a very long process. There are many in our society that want that complete happiness now and are constantly working towards that or looking for it. Many run into serious problems as they feel they cannot be content unless they are always happy. This causes many divorces as spouses easily find fault with their partner and see the potential happiness they could be achieving with others. My husband and I have tried to follow the example of our imperfect but devoted parents. We have a great belief in the institution of marriage and that it is divine. Because we hold this belief, we have put a lot of effort into building up our foundation on the teachings of Jesus Christ. Our Savior taught us to sacrifice for one another and love one another. In a marriage these are the two most important things. Although we have had our fair share of heartache, we are able to stay committed to one another because of our eternal perspective of marriage. We know that we are on the road to perfection and we do not expect to ever reach that in this life. Our goal is to keep loving, sacrificing, and working towards this perfection.