In-law issues

I have heard that the most difficult of family relationships are between a mother and her daughter in law. This has been true in my life. My mother in law is a wonderful and faithful woman but is very strong in her options and will not deviate or compromise. I am fairly easy going but this has caused some contention between us. However, I see it more in the problems that have come up with the other daughters in law who are more opinionated. I have learned that it is very important to cleave unto your spouse and be united in your goals before turning towards your extended family members for advice or companionship. In the article we read about how difficult it can be to decide where you will spend your holidays. This was a problem for the first couple of years of my marriage. Both families would always end up being frustrated with us for not spending enough time with them. This is when we realized we just needed to do what was best for us and stop trying to please everyone else, because it was impossible and unnecessary.

Adulting

It was interesting to read this week about the changes that need to occur between parents and their adult children. I have a 20 year old son and an 18 year old daughter. My son doesn’t live at home but was just home visiting for a couple of weeks. Our relationship with him is very “adult”. He respects us and is much more helpful around the house than he was when he lived with us. Our eighteen year old is a different story. She has graduated from high school but is still living with us for another month before she leaves for college. This is a weird transition. We have slowly given her more freedom which is so difficult for me. She would have wanted us to give her 100% freedom the day she turned eighteen but that wasn’t going to happen. It needs to be gradual and the goal of parenting is to teach our children to be independent and responsible. This cannot be done if we make every decision for them, even though I would like to sometimes. Then I remember that it was Satan’s plan to take away agency. Our children need to learn to overcome challenges while they are living with us so we can help them navigate life as they grow.

Eternal Happiness

Sean E. Brotherson wrote an article and shared his mother’s thoughts on intimacy within her marriage. She said, “Sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was comforting, sometimes it was romantic, sometimes it was spiritual, and sometimes it was a willingness to love.” I can relate to these thoughts tremendously. Sexual intimacy within a marriage is meant to strengthen many different facets of our relationship. All of the aspects of marriage that we have studied so far this year leads up to this very critical component of our covenant. We are meant to have fun together, be romantic, spiritual, and of course love each other. At the beginning of the semester we learned, and continue to learn, that one of the most vital parts of a relationship is the friendship. This is what we build on and the sexual relationship between husband and wife is a blessing and strength to them. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, “Through the lens of spirituality we see all the commandments of God as invitations to blessings. Obedience and sacrifice, loyalty and love, fidelity and family, all appear in eternal perspective.” This was another one of my favorite quotes from this week. I am so thankful for the commandments we have been given and how these protect us from damaging ourselves and those around us. Through obedience we can find eternal happiness.

Help from heaven

President Benson said, “Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life in the service of God will find it.” I have learned the most from reading Goddard’s book and have enjoyed every page. The main thing I will remember, and implement more fully into my life, is that we are not meant to go through marriage as individuals. We are meant to work together with the Lord as our guide. He will help us to be humble, forgiving, and patient as we learn how to be better Christians. How do we work with the Lord? This is something we must work on daily through practice. I have found that starting the day off with prayer and asking for Heavenly Father’s help to guide me makes a big difference. This sets our minds and hearts towards what He would want us to do. Listening to the Spirit is vital also. If we can be worthy of the Spirit and listen to the promptings we can be in tune to what our spouse might need. The two most important things for me to be able to work with the Lord is to be worthy and to be willing to submit to what He might ask of me.

Consecrating our marriage

I really enjoyed relearning the story of King Lamoni and seeing how we can apply that to our marriage relationship. When brought to repentance, King Lamoni covenants to give away all of his sins to know God. He sees that there needs to be a full change of his heart, and in his life, in order to be in a good place. At this point King Lamoni is willing to turn his life over to his Heavenly Father by making every sacrifice necessary. In marriage are often brought to a point where we need to make a decision to repent and turn away from the pride and resentment we might have for our spouse or hold onto it. When we are willing to let go of our unrighteous judgements our marriage will flourish. Too often I get annoyed by my husband and his habits that can get under my skin. There have been times when I have to walk away before I get too angry. At this point of our marriage I watch him do the things that annoy me and think to myself how blessed I am to have him in my life. I laugh a little to myself about how silly those things are and how I use to be overtaken by my annoyances. I am so thankful for modern day prophets that teach us to be kind and especially forgiving.

His will

Goddard gives us his insights on pride by sharing, “The natural man is inclined to love himself and fix others. God has asked us to do the opposite. We are to fix ourselves by repenting, and to love others.” This council, along with many other things this week, reminded me of my role as a wife. There are so many times when I find fault in my husband and wish he would do things differently. These are really dumb things that don’t matter at all but for some reason they drive me crazy sometimes. It is obvious to me that I am the problem here. I need to learn more patience for sure. This lesson talked about Alma the younger and how he had a total change of heart. As he was in the process of repenting he remembered that his father had taught him that he can only find redemption through Jesus Christ. He called upon the Savior and aligned his will with the Lord’s. Alma is such a great example of humility and total trust. This is a powerful example to me of how I should be in my life and marriage. If I can align myself with God’s will and work hand in hand with him we will be able to overcome whatever challenges come into my life.

Doubt not, fear not

There have been so many different thoughts running through my mind this week that it is difficult to put them into words. My husband and I have gone through many trials as we try to figure out how to raise our children and many times we feel like we are failing in the process. Sometimes we disagree on how to teach the children but most of the time we are on the same page. It is a beautiful thing when we connect emotionally and are there to support one another. There are times when I feel like he and I are on an island and there is no one else that we can turn to for help in our struggles. However, there is our loving Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ, who know our deepest desires and pain. In Doctrine and Covenants 6:36 we read, “Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.” I doubt a lot and I live in almost constant fear that I am not doing all I can to help my kids along the covenant path. The feeling of panic overcomes me sometimes, but I know this is not helpful. The youth theme for the year is Peace in Christ. I wholeheartedly agree with that. When we lay our burdens at his feet and look to him at all times we can feel the peace that only the Savior can bring. He washes the doubt and fear from my mind over and over again.